Optimistically Groping in the Dark
3 comments April 26th, 2007
A friend of mine recently e-mailed me and referenced the satisfaction I must take in being “right” about something. He said this in sincerity - not in the Smart A sort of way. But it made me pause to think and my response to him was that I rarely feel right about anything, most of the time I am groping in the darkness with just enough light to see the step in front of me. This is the best summation of where I am on the journey home. I never know if the next step will take me to the edge of a cliff or back to the main road (if one even exists). My problem is that I am hopelessly optimistic. I’m like the stupid, annoying dog that you slap in the head and he keeps running back to you with his tail wagging!
I just want to encourage my 20-Someting brothers and sisters. Much of the past decade of my life has been filled with doubt, unanswered questions, cynicism and severe depression. There have been times when I have awakened in the night gripped with the terror that maybe I have been bamboozled by this entire christain enterprise.
But there have also been moments of the most intense clarity. Times when the veil between heaven and earth was merely a hairline fracture. As a direct result of being stuck in church I have relationships that are so close to my heart it is sometimes hard to breath. This whole venture is not what I expected it to be. As cheesy as it sounds, my theology at this point is more that amply summed up by the children’s song “Jesus Loves Me, This I Know”.
Press on with courage my friends. Life is hard but your God is good - and He is faithful. Learning to love has been the most exhilarating experince of my life and it continues to astonish me by its wonder and simplicity.
I’m no longer striving for “excellence”, consistently adequate is fine with me.
Later pilgrims.