Artie’s Blog

Back from St. Louis Dream Center

June 25th, 2007

I’ve been silent for a while because I had no connection in St. Louis. We took a group of 13 teenagers and 3 adults to the St. Louis Dream Center, which was established and continues to be funded by Joyce Myer Ministries. This trip caused many intellecual and spiritual tensions to once again surface in my heart. As most of the 4 people who may read this all ready know, I grew up right in the middle of the Charismatic & Word/Faith movements. In my mid twenties I felt quite content to distance myself from these camps. There was much about this trip that reminded my of the old days and the old ways that were such a burden to me in times past. I experienced some parts of Charismatic culture for which I do not care. I witnessed scenes in the prayer room & devotions that might be great if I were wanting to film an intellectually dishonest documentary and call it, say, Jesus Mission. I also sensed some of the old “be careful to do this and not do this so that you can be annointed” spirituality that left me feeling like a constant unannointed failure.

But I also took time to listen to stories of the people whose lives are radically different both temporily and eternally because of the constant sacrificial efforts of my charismatic brothers and sisters. I engaged a world that allowed me to see the silliness of wasting my time pontificating about postmodernism and pagan philosophy if it is does not lead me to incarnationally connect with the suffering and the lost with the unambiguous call to follow Jesus as Lord - not simply because it is right, but because it is their (and my) only hope. I have spent so much time in my theological smugness and intellecual pride because I moved beyond the individualistic spirituality of “folk religion” and realtistically acknowledged my doubts. The problem was that my doubts eventually became the only things I aknowledged. This week those who live by a much simpler faith served to rebuke the stupid self deception of my so called intellectual superiority.

It was so easy for me to judge the over the top emotionalism of the long haired dude who made me feel uncomfortable in the prayer meeting. He was unlearned and cute in comparison to my passionless and joyless pseudo prayer. Then I heard part of his story; his past prison sentence and self destructive lifestyle. I remembered working with him 3 years ago when he first came to the Dream Center just out of prison. I could see the quantitative transformation that this guy had undergone during his time in the culturally charismatic outreach center. I experience the inspirational moral influence of his childlike joy in following Jesus. He had the audacity to believe that God might speak to him as he sought Him in prayer and bible meditaion during his “quiet time” - a practice I abandoned long ago in favor of more enlightened ways of seeking God. I felt as though I was reminded of what Jesus might have meant when He said that we must come like children.

I am not saying that I want to reembrace the trappings of charismatic cultural, but something in me changed. I realized that the moments in my life that have been the most joyful and in which I felt most alive were in the context of a charismatic pursuit of God the Holy Spirit and in seeking to reach out to those in need of experiencing a personal relationship with Jesus. In some ways, I am and always will be a charismatic christian and I am at peace with that.

Just the other day I had a quiet time. God was present and it was good and I did a better job of loving.

“Perhaps it’s time to make a simple decision: that we will believe the things we believe and therefore allow them to overwhelm us and to doubt the things we doubt and therefore deny them their power.”

Pete Greig, The Vision and The Vow

I am convinced that Pete is right and I am making the decision. Later pilgrims.

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